I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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