She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
