I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize