Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
