Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
