Already got asked if we're dating
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
