Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
