i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
