So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize