Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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