i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
