apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
