Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
