haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
