Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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