dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Come share oat with me in your robe
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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