I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
and you fell through a lawn chair
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
A+ Viking dick
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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