so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
