SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
