And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
