its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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