Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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