He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize