If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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