The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
