I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
