cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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