just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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