I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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