The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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