facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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