Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
