yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
