she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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