I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
