Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
