dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize