I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
