guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
