I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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