my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just invented taco cereal.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
