It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
