I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
