So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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