hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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