i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish life had little blips of pornography
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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