Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize