Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
