What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
