I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
So. Much. Porn.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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