No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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