Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
