you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
