Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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