Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
