Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
