the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize