He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
cat food counts as protein by the way
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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