I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize