i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
