Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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